Good evening to all my lovely followers/readers 🙂
So far, this has not been a good week.
On Monday, I posted a blog piece on Motivation Mondays and what I was going to do to ensure I had a good day. I promised you all I would check in at the end of the day to see how it went and I didn’t- for that I am truly sorry.
Clearly, Monday wasn’t a good day. Now I never have a problem admitting that I had a bad day, but I have been procrastinating checking in with you all because it means I have to self-reflect. I always talk about how important self-reflection is. I insist on living by the motto: your anxiety is not a a choice but you choose how you manage it.
Of course, I am not going to punish myself for not always living by what I preach. However, it is clear to me that I need to write this and check in with you all because I am currently in a state of self-indulgence with my anxiety- I have simply not been making choices that benefit my wellbeing.
So in light of the goals I set out for myself on Monday, I’d like to break it down for all you so you know what really happened (original post can be found here: https://anunfilteredreality.com/2017/08/21/motivation-mondays/):
. I’ll be making sure to where a jumper, some trousers and some socks to keep my feet warm. – I did indeed do this so I have to give myself credit (celebrate the small victories too people)
. I’ll drink at least 4 bottles of water- More like 2 glass
. I’ll make myself lunch (check) and eat it at work- Yes but I didn’t enjoy it very much and proceeded to buying two chocolate bars to compensate for my sugar craving.
. I’ll make sure to take a full one hour lunch break no later than 1 PM– I believe I took my break before one but it wasn’t an hour
. I’ll attend a fitness class with a friend after work– No but in all fairness the class directions were wrong, we did walk for over an hour though.
. I’ll cook dinner at home– I ate Pizza at a restaurant with my friend.
I’ll check back in with you all at the end of the day to see if I’ve ticked off all of the above positive choices 🙂 – I did not do this
Okay so when I read the above it wouldn’t sound like Monday was a bad day at all- but it was as I made so many other decisions that were very self-destructive my well being. I was checking work emails at 10 PM, I didn’t brush my teeth, I didn’t take a shower before going to bed. All these small things worsened my anxiety which was heightened by other irrelevant matters that took place during the day.
The next day I started answering work emails from 6 AM.
It is now Wednesday and today I did eat anything at all until 3 PM and took a 10 minute break.
As I said though you have to celebrate the small victories- and while on days like today I would have normally grabbed a can of coke to satisfy my sugar cravings- I stuck to water.
I’m not sure if this post is making a whole lot of sense- I am writing this from a place of exhaustion, frustration, stress and just general malaise.
However I always want to keep it real with all of you. I won’t always have good days, so I’m going to write about the bad days too and share these with all of you.
I promise that I will always try my best to end on a positive note though 🙂
I’ve had enough bad days in my life to know that this too shall pass.
Maybe I’m not in a good enough headspace to self-reflect at the moment, but right now I am managing my anxiety the best way I can- and that is by writing what I am feeling at this very moment to you all.
To anyone struggling with anxiety or any mental health disorder, or even to anyone who is feeling low or who has had a bad day, my heart goes out to you ❤
Know that you are never alone in whatever struggle you may be facing!