Exactly one week ago, on a Saturday morning, I shared with you all my intentions to take a beat and half from my blog as it felt like I was using it to ignore my mental health. Amidst a period of heightened anxiety and denial of how much turmoil I was containing within me and bubbling at the surface, the post originally felt cathartic, but shortly after blew the lid on all of my emotions. What proceeded was a weekend of feeling like the world had collapsed around me, and how I could never imagine feeling happiness or normalcy again.
One week later, I’m writing because at painful as it was, that moment was important. It made me take a long hard look at myself, and how oblivious I had become to the demons coursing through my veins.
Opening the container to my inner thoughts certainly hasn’t made them disappear, but I’ve taken the first step in acknowledging them and as distraught I felt last weekend, once I had allowed myself to agonise over the fears I was desperately trying to shut out, I now feel ready to conquer them.
I want to be back on my blog, because I feel like I can write again (in whatever topic that may be) as a moment of self-reflection and creative therapy, versus as method of running away from myself.
Whatever’s next, therapy or talking about it more with the people I’m close too, I’m not sure, but I certainly feel lighter and ready to be vulnerable.
The beauty of all of this, as difficult as it may all be, is that I 100% know I will get through it because I have so many times before 🙂